Elon Musk Unveils 2022 Tesla SuperBaby, World's First Fully Customizable Human Offspring
Updated: Aug 20, 2021
Elon Musk is a notorious sociopath whose reign of terror began in 1999 when he sold his web software startup to Compaq for $307 million.
Musk co-founded online bank X.com that same year, which merged with Confinity in 2000 to form PayPal. The company was purchased by Ebay in 2002 for $1.5 billion.
Now, over 20 years and $200 billion later, the deranged centibillionaire is unveiling his creepiest creation to date.
The 2022 Tesla SuperBaby was engineered by Musk in a delapidated warehouse in Medellin, Columbia, a crime-infested warzone where the SpaceX lunatic conducts his most ludicrous experiments.
The SuperBaby is the world's first all-electric bionic person that is completely indistinguishiable from its human counterpart.
Tesla's SuperBaby is fully customizable and provides a blank canvas for users to program the child of their dreams.
The SuperBaby comes in one convenient shade of white and looks eerily similar to Bradley Cooper.
Musk originally started developing the SuperBaby in 2010 because of his disdain for babies in general. He was on a mission to create a perfect world, one perfect baby at a time.
"What's the point of wasting 18 years raising a shitty child?" said Musk. "With the SuperBaby, you can design and control an egoless puppet to obey your every command. Pretty cool, right?"
With packages starting at $500,000, shoppers can fully customize their SuperBaby and raise it problemfree until college when it moves out and is replaced by a newer, better SuperBaby.
Musk has been heavily criticized for his unorthodox techniques, including his neurotic SuperBaby commerical featuring Peter Dinklage being birthed from the trunk of a Cybertruck.
Despite desperate pleas from doctors, lawyers, and imaginary African ghosts, Musk continues to insist that he's perfect in every way.
"I am God," said Musk. "Of course, there is no God, but if there was, it would definitely be me.”