Bald Eagle with Fractured Wings Flys Southwest

Ricky is a majestic bald eagle who hates air travel.

Don’t get it twisted—Ricky loves flying through the sky with his own two wings. He’s been flying his entire life and even learned how to multitask in the air, once knitting 87 wool sweaters while en route to Alaska.

Ricky and his wife, Snickers, are the parents of seven tiny bald eagles and two eagles with powdered wigs.

Early one morning, Ricky spread his wings and soared to a nearby lake; it was breakfast time and his family had to eat.

Ricky is a professional flyer, but something went terribly wrong that day. While plunging towards the lake, Ricky noticed a really sexy bald eagle he’d never seen before and averted his gaze in her direction.

All it took was that one wrong move for Ricky to miss his landing and crash into a tree. The impact of the collision broke both his wings and shattered his pride.

Now, whenever Ricky wants to fly, he has to take a public airplane.

After calling every other airline in existence, Ricky settled on his last possible option: Southwest Airlines.

Of course, Ricky has a seven foot wingspan and razor-sharp talons.

“This is ridiculous,” squawked Ricky. “Last week, I was free-flying over the Pacific and eating fresh-caught salmon. Now, I’m stuck on a plane between two unattended toddlers who think my feathers are an all-you-can-pull buffet.”

On a positive note, Ricky is taking his eagle family on their dream vacation to the White House to poop on the President.