To: Jim Carroll, Director of National Drug Control Policy
Subject: Operation Tiny Walrus
Hi Jim,
Hope you’re well and not wearing a mask. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and now my brain hurts. Anyway, you have the green light to go ahead with Operation Tiny Walrus (OTW). In case you forgot, I’ll outline our top secret plan in this very public email.
OTW is a strategic plan to brainwash America with the use of a top secret mind control drug administered by the federal government, making me a God among men. The drug, known only as “Taint”, will be dropped overhead via drone throughout the United States. Once released, the drug delivers a potent, invisible gas that essentially turns this country into my own personal prison camp. Of course, I’ll be the only one protected from the gas. From there, I’ll have complete and absolute authority. Essentially, I’m trying to turn this country into North Korea 2.0.
Also, I’ve been having intermittent back pain. Could you hook me up with some more of that opium?
Yours,
Donald J. Trump