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Hot Dog Eating Champion Joey Chestnut in Serious Condition After Swallowing 74 Ceramic Plates

Updated: Jan 19, 2021

“I was doing everything backwards, it just wasn’t like me,” Chestnut murmured as he unzipped his pants to shit out shards of glass.

Judges watched in horror as Chestnut swallowed the first plate, assuming he’d learn his lesson and eat real food. After choking down a dozen more glass spheres, Chestnut seemed to be in some sort of idiotic super frenzy. Shortly after the eating competition commenced, Chestnut was airlifted to the Coney Island Hospital for treatment.

“We’ve never seen anything like this,” exclaimed emergency physician Nelson King. “When we heard a hot dog eating champion was in an accident, we assumed the worst and were prepared to pump up to 50 hot dogs from the man’s stomach, but this is beyond our wildest imagination. At this point, we’re not quite sure the best course of treatment and plan on letting nature run its course.”

Upon admittance to the hospital, Chestnut was given a comprehensive workup. His blood panels not only revealed toxic amounts of hot dog bun, but that he had been ingesting and manufacturing Xynthoyumyum, an illegal Chinese stomach expander that allowed him to eat and retain massive quantities of food.

Chestnut’s criminal activity earned him a 6-month stay in the state penitentiary. Following his medical treatment, he was transferred to Ryker's Island Prison where the hot dog eating champion, who specializes in the 12-inch dog, was reported to be “very popular” among the inmate population.

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