Bald Eagle with Fractured Wings Flys Southwest
Ricky is a majestic bald eagle who hates air travel. Don’t get it twisted—Ricky loves flying through the sky with his own two wings. He’s...
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Give Me Headlines
Brian Chester
- Jan 15, 2022
- 3 min
10 Tips To Help Extroverts Shut The Heck Up Once In A While
There are plenty of articles on how introverts can be more social, but I’ve never seen this concept reversed. So I wrote one myself....
17 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Sep 4, 2021
- 3 min
Where Are They Now? 10 Actors Who Left Hollywood for "Normal" Jobs
Celebrities get paid millions of dollars to play make believe for our entertainment. After a while, though, many actors cannot handle the...
32 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Aug 19, 2021
- 2 min
Delta to Fill Empty Middle Seats with Wolverines to Simulate Pre-COVID Flight Capacity
Flying has officially lost its thrill. Thanks to the annoying effects of the coronavirus, you can't even get sandwiched between two...
16 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Aug 16, 2021
- 2 min
Elon Musk Unveils 2022 Tesla SuperBaby, World's First Fully Customizable Human Offspring
Elon Musk is a notorious sociopath whose reign of terror began in 1999 when he sold his web software startup to Compaq for $307 million....
15 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jun 24, 2021
- 2 min
California to Issue $3 Million Reward to Resident With The Most COVID-19 Vaccinations by 2022
After more than a year of restrictions, California is now fully reopening its economy. This means that everything will go "back to...
27 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jun 14, 2021
- 2 min
Texas Couple Arrested for Performing Unlicensed Gastric Bypass Surgeries in Vintage Food Truck
Everyone knows men grow faster in Texas. In fact, Texas ranks as one of the most obese states in America, with over 35% of its residents...
9 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jun 13, 2021
- 3 min
Chicago Police Chief Loses Badge After Faking Heart Attack to Avoid Examining Yucky Crime Scene
Former Chicago police chief Rusty Cardigan had his badge revoked on Friday after an investigation found Cardigan fabricated a heart...
15 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jun 10, 2021
- 2 min
Trans-Species Centaur Man Wins 2021 Belmont Stakes to Secure the Coveted Triple Crown
After a tough year away from the tracks, horseracing fans trotted back to Belmont Park on Saturday for the 153rd Annual Belmont Stakes....
29 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Apr 4, 2021
- 1 min
Kardashian's Plastic Surgeon Successfully Reassembles Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty is notoriously obsessed with walls. After unexpectedly falling from a wall, the king's men rushed Humpty Dumpty to Dr....
23 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Apr 4, 2021
- 1 min
Martha Stewart Feeds Homeless New Yorkers with Bountiful Easter Feast Made From “1000-Lb. Sisters”
Martha Stewart is no stranger to controversy. In 2004, she famously spent time in a federal prison camp after being convicted of felony...
11 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Feb 16, 2021
- 2 min
Time-Illiterate Hippie Still Searching for Dog Missing Since 1971
Would you spend 50 years looking for your missing dog? This is the story of one man’s endless search for his canine companion, fueled by...
51 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Feb 10, 2021
- 1 min
Utah Jazz to Replace Bear Mascot with 1920s American Bandleader Paul Whiteman, the "King of Jazz"
Everybody knows jazz music was invented by a tubby white man in Prohibition-era Utah. With such classic hits as "Flamin' Mamie",...
21 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Feb 9, 2021
- 2 min
Everything You Need to Know About Earvin's 'Magic' Johnson
In the NBA, nicknames are a well-deserved sign of respect -- a fun way to express our love of the game and the star performers that...
22 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Feb 5, 2021
- 2 min
Tom Brady Becomes First Active NFL Player to Have Medicare Coverage Inked Into Contract
Tom Brady leads the NFL in career touchdown passes, successfully tossing the ball to the end zone with pinpoint accuracy 581 times. He's...
63 views1 comment
Brian Chester
- Feb 4, 2021
- 2 min
First Astronauts on Mars Holla Back at Extremely Sexy Alien Shorty
Mars is home to breathtaking blue sunsets and the tallest mountain in the solar system, but did you know that the Red Planet also houses...
11 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Feb 4, 2021
- 1 min
Sexual Abuse Allegations Are Just the Cherry Atop Marilyn Manson's Shit Sundae
Brian Warner, better known as Marilyn Manson, is a morbidly insane shock rocker and alleged serial rapist whose grotesque appearance...
26 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jan 30, 2021
- 1 min
LeBron James to Play with Chip on Shoulder to Promote New Tostitos Partnership
The greatest basketball player in the world dipped his pen deep into a vat of Tostitos Chips and Salsa brand ink Friday evening,...
20 views2 comments
Brian Chester
- Jan 29, 2021
- 2 min
Man Who Said He'll Sleep When He's Dead Dies of Sleep Deprivation
Going 97 days without sleep likely caused 25-year-old Reggie Bootbuckle his life after attempting to create a time machine to effectively...
16 views0 comments
Brian Chester
- Jan 27, 2021
- 2 min
Police Reopen Missing Person Case After Seeing Elderly Woman Who Vaguely Resembles 1937 Missing Girl
On a chilling winter evening in December 1937, 6-year-old Mildred Parker disappeared from Hollywood's Carthay Circle Theater after...
6 views0 comments
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