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Vehicle Airlifted to Auto Body Shop After Run-In With Plus-Sized Pedestrian; Pedestrian Continues Errands
TOAD SUCK, AR -- Emergency responders confirmed Tuesday that a 2025 Chevrolet Suburban was airlifted to a nearby auto body shop after sustaining significant damage in a low-speed collision with a plus-sized pedestrian. According to officials, the vehicle suffered extensive structural trauma after the enormous pedestrian spotted a Taco Bell wrapper in the roadway and darted into oncoming traffic to inspect it for crumbs, triggering a collision that collapsed the car’s hood in
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Jan 82 min read


Trump Orders All Late-Night Shows to Be Replaced by Holograms of Deceased Hosts
Current President and pumpkin-faced lunatic Donald J. Trump has declared that he will issue an executive order to eliminate all living...
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Sep 23, 20252 min read


Study Shows Quality of Life in U.S. Peaks at 18 Months
A controversial clinical trial conducted by the University of Idiocracy at Washington found that people are happiest between birth and 18...
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Sep 18, 20252 min read
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