President Biden Opens Up About Carefree College Days with Roommate and "Poon King", Jesus Christ
President Joe Biden was in a jolly mood as he spoke with media personnel during a virtual press conference early Tuesday morning. He had...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 26, 2021
- 2 min
Deranged Killer Used Knife Set Won on 'The Price is Right' to Effortlessly Slice Through Human Flesh
Seattle native and Chef de Cuisine Walter Slicer, charged with murder in connection with Washington's grizzly "Minced Meat" slayings,...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 22, 2021
- 1 min
TikTok "Stallion Challenge" Encourages Users to Amputate Feet and Replace Them with Horse Hooves
Wacky video-sharing platform TikTok is at it again with another light-hearted challenge for its predominantly teenage audience. This...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 21, 2021
- 1 min
Nabisco Halts Oreo Production After Cookie Monster Caught Masturbating into Creme Filling
Everybody knows that Cookie Monster loves cookies, but who knew the voracious Muppet also enjoyed having sex with them? Ricky Ramirez, a...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 20, 2021
- 1 min
Biden Says Trump Installed Dozens of Glory Holes that Completely Depreciate Value of White House
It's move-in day at the White House in Washington D.C. and the Biden family is settling into their new 221-year-old home. Preparations...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 20, 2021
- 1 min
Tonight Show Forgets to Program Jimmy Fallon and Now He Can Only Giggle Uncomfortably
Jimmy Fallon is known for breaking character on Saturday Night Live, but did you know he also hosts a late-night TV show? That's right,...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 19, 2021
- 1 min
Gang of Badass Toddlers Arrested for Smuggling Moonshine into KISS Concert
A group of belligerent toddlers were arrested at American Family Insurance Amphitheater early Sunday morning after police said they were...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 18, 2021
- 1 min
Bugs Bunny Opens Carrots & Bondage Hotel and Nightclub in West Virginia
Classic Looney Tunes cartoon character and infamous carrot addict Bugs Bunny has opened his first adult night club in the heart of...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 16, 2021
- 1 min
Email from Donald J. Trump
To: Jim Carroll, Director of National Drug Control Policy Subject: Operation Tiny Walrus Hi Jim, Hope you’re well and not wearing a mask....
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Brian Chester
- Jan 16, 2021
- 1 min
One-Armed Man Steals Bionic Arm from Army Research Center
Police are looking for a one-armed man who they say broke into the Army Research Center, threatened employees at gunpoint and took off...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 16, 2021
- 1 min
Hot Dog Eating Champion Joey Chestnut in Serious Condition After Swallowing 74 Ceramic Plates
“I was doing everything backwards, it just wasn’t like me,” Chestnut murmured as he unzipped his pants to shit out shards of glass....
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Brian Chester
- Jan 16, 2021
- 1 min
2-Year-Old Beagle Wins 90% of Popular Vote for California Governor
A 2-year-old beagle from the Los Angeles County Animal Shelter is in prime position to become California’s first ever canine governor....
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Brian Chester
- Jan 16, 2021
- 2 min
Inside Trump’s Plan to Re-Assassinate President Lincoln
Donald J. Trump, habitual half-wit and President of the United States, revealed this morning his plans to re-assassinate former president...
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Brian Chester
- Jan 15, 2021
- 1 min
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Coming Out of Retirement to Protect Scoring Record from LeBron James
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar leads the NBA in total career regular season points scored. The 7’2” center scored 38,387 points in 20 seasons and is...
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